How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize