I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
