I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Are we still banned from the library?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
