remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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