Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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