So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
that's an acceptable place to lick
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
