i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
