A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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