Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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