We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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