she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
