he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize