I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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