I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
