In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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