I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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