My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
