someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
