toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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