I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
