She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
