Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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