A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
