I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Randomize
