i just google imaged poop.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
