she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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