I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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