apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Randomize
