i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
