i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
