If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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