he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
