Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
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I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
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Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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