When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
