I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I am naked and annoyed.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
