I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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