Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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