Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
