They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
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And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
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People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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