Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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