He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
