Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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