I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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