I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Small penises have feelings too.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
