Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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