it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
