I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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