I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
