At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
