I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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