You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.