Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.