I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
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all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
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He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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