all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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