I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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