her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
