I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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