Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
