What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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