I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
