I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
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