4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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