He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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