I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
