I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
