Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
