I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
