I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You ruined the universe
Randomize
