why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
