Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
