i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
