The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
