I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
