saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
