You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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